Jul 24, 2001 - Nibbles    No Comments

I am so very a mess. In just one day my world came crashing down at my feet. It makes it even harder watching him handle just oh so well. I know that in so many ways he’s right – Without some kind of compromise we won’t be able to be married and happy. But I wasn’t ready for it to be over. I wasn’t ready to face the music. Why can’t we just be in love until we love no more? Why do you have to be “smart” and end it early. Or why do we have to face the facts? Love is so rare, and I just watched it slip through my hands.

What’s worse? I feel like I’ll never be able to trust anyone. That’s one thing. So many promises, I’ve belived in. But who’s ever kept a promise to me?

And what hope do I have to find fantastic version number two of Curtis? The one who is a witness so I won’t make him unhappy?

My heart isn’t ready to love again, but I need love so desprately.

What life do I have here? If I had one then I could focus on it. But I don’t. My “friends” at the hall have their own little world and I’m not a part of it. Other people that I might be able to be busy with – Like Michelle or the Raliegh Boys – are too far away. I could consume myself with reaching spiritual goals – like studying all my lessons for the meetings, and service saturdays so that one day not only could I comment again, but I could also go to Quick Builds – but that only takes up certain amount of time.

I don’t have any future goals. I’m not planning to buy a house, move to another area, or planning a wedding.

No, I am the girl who just a few days ago was blissfully in love – And blissfully ignorant.

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