i walked to my car, miserable.
as i pulled off campus i was in a trance.
as i drove across the bridge i was staring blankly into the rear of the car ahead of me.
as i sat outside the therapist’s office parked along the street i felt pieces of me fall away.
i considered shoving it aside, of fraudulantly raising my spirits.
i was reluctant to let go of having been happy so briefly, to admit defeat.
i felt misery and sadness wash over me in waves after wave. defeated. undone.
on the brink of breakdown, just as weeks before.
lost, alone, unwanted and unapproved of.
i can’t wait to get home and take a pill.